BadReads?: 5 Goodreads Giveaways that Look so Bad that They Must be Good!

Goodreads

Oh Goodreads.  It’s the website that we all use to track our reading progress, not because it’s great, but because it’s the best in a bad set of options.  They don’t bother fixing their website code to allow for half-star ratings of titles, something people have been screaming for for years, yet they have time gloat about their fabulous new office design on their blog.  They run a yearly awards process that’s shamelessly self-promotional and doesn’t acknowledge the winners in each category with either a trophy or any sort of cash prize.  But there are good things…

Take for example, the overabundance of free books that are out there just waiting to be claimed.  We dove in and found 5 that we thought you might like to read.  Do let us know what you think if you win.  Good luck!


Forbidden_LoveForbidden Love by Dee Rose (5 Copies)
Ends March 14th

We say: Reprinted below is the actual description of the novel from the Goodreads website. Not that it’s very easy to follow, but assuming you did understand it all, would you even need to read the novel? What could possibly be left that wasn’t already covered here?  And yes, that is how the description ends, mid-word, mid-sentence.:

Goodreads Description: Jesse is a married man, with a wife and child that he loves and another baby on the way. Although the passion has gone out of his marriage because of his wife’s current pregnancy, he tries hard to be a good husband and father. Mark, his best friend, has had a long-term crush on Jesse, but has not yet expressed this to him. When Mark is diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, this gives him the courage he needs to set himself on a path that will eventually allow him to confess his love for Jesse. He starts by telling Jesse the news of his tumor and arranging a date with an old friend named Denise. This ruse works, and Jesse finds himself thinking about Mark also as more than just friends. Shockingly, the date with Denise actually goes quite well. The two hit it off both mentally and physically. Mark then goes to visit his family. Eventually, work becomes so grim for Mark that he decides to quit his job. After he does so, he invites Jesse to accompany him to an isolated cabin so that he can confess his love. After all, considering his inoperable brain tumor, what does he have to lose now? Despite some initial misunderstandings, Jesse reciprocates, and the two finally enjoy a night of bliss together, but in the morning, Mark finds a note from Jesse. It tells him that although the last night was wonderful, he still feels committed to his wife and children. He will not leave them, no matter how happy it would make him to be with Mark. Jesse moves to Denver to accept a promotion, which separate him from Mark. Mark’s illness progresses and he is confined to a hospital. Denise, who has now become his loving girlfriend, is there to comfort him through his pain. He has Denise reach out to Jesse, who agrees to come over his wife’s protests. Jesse cannot understand why Annika would be so cruel as to attempt to deny him this, knowing that Mark is a friend of theirs and is dying. Though Mark is quite frail by now, Jesse embraces him in his deathbed. Ev

We say: If we had to pose for the cover of this thing, we’d hide our faces too.  If you win it, do let us know.  We’d love a review!  Well, that’s assuming you could find something to tell us about it that we don’t already know…


The_StrategyThe Strategy: Single and Don’t Want to Be?: All the directions and none of the detours by Debbie Martin (2 Copies)
Ends March 21st

Goodreads Description: If you’re going to play the dating game, you need a strategy to win.

Over the past 6 years Debbie has studied the brightest and the best of the dating gurus in the news, so you don’t have to) to determine the most effective strategy to win yourself a wonderful relationship, cleverly distilled from everything she has learned.

And here it is – grab yoursefl an unfair advantage…

We say: Yes, please do grab yoursefl an unfair advantage!  Debbie watched the FUCKING news for you people in order to write this book.  Do you know how difficult that shit is?  She didn’t DVR it either, she sat through commercials!  Her dedication to figuring out how to find a man by sitting on her ass in front of the TV should be applauded and rewarded.  She’s not one of those “experts” who wasted years getting one of those fancy “degree” things.  Not our Debbie!  Why be qualified to write a self-help book when you can just steal other people’s ideas?


Deer_In_HeadlightsDeer in Headlights by Staci Hart (10 Copies)
Ends March 25th

Goodreads description: What do the gods do when they’re bored? Because they’re always bored, and humans are the perfect players in their games.

We Say: Wait, what??!?  What do they DO??  Answer the question!

Goodreads description (con’t): Aphrodite owns love; she hasn’t lost a competition on her turf in over three millennia. Apollo is on a mission to win, he’s counting on it to finally get the one woman he’s never been able to have. The two gods will choose their players and if Dita can’t get them together before the clock runs out, Apollo will get his way. And Dita couldn’t have that.

We Say:  Whoa.  Hold on.  We get who Aphrodite is (and we’re even willing to guess her “turf” is love itself).  It’s not too big of a stretch to assume that Apollo is the famous son of Zeus.  But who the hell is Dita and why can’t he/she/it have “that?”  Is she Dita Von Tesse maybe?  Here’s hoping…


Reality_CheckReality Check: A Tale of Quantum Entanglements by Eric Garrison (1 Copy)
Ends March 31

Goodreads Description: “About mid-way through the book, I thought the end was in sight, but then the plot twisted again. And again. And again. All-in-all it was a highly addictive read and I would recommend it to anyone in the mood for a page-turner. This is pure adventure! Enjoy it!” – Red Tash, author of Troll or Derby

We Say: “About mid-way through the book, I thought the end was in sight, but then I realized I was only mid-way through the book, so that was physically impossible unless the novel contained lots of blank pages at the end with which I was supposed to take notes.  Will there be a test on this?” – Aaron, author of This Article or Another One Just Like It

Goodreads Description (Con’t): When a quantum supercomputer’s “reality simulator” program causes temporary insanity in its beta-testers, Lee Green rolls up his sleeves and dives into a virtual world to debug the problem. Only he discovers that place is more real than anyone imagined.

He finds alternate versions of his friends in that mad science reality, their lives and relationships very different from those in the “real” world. Quantum entanglements become romantic entanglements as he meets his love again in each new dimension.

Lee must save these other lives, decide which destiny is truly his, and what he’s willing to sacrifice to get there.

We Say:  Right, why power down the computer or halt development on the code?  I mean, the beta testers only went “temporarily” insane.  That’s way better than the alpha testers, who went flat our PSYCHO.  We’re sure there wouldn’t be a lawsuit.  We’re sure Lee Green would just “roll up his sleeves” and “discover” something hidden in the lines of code that he himself presumably wrote.  SPOILER:  Lee Green’s shirt is actually sleeveless.  Churn that quantum entanglement through your mega PC.  It. Does. Not. Compute.


Sea_Of_SorrowsSea of Sorrows by Dennis E. Adonis (12 Copies)
Ends March 31

Goodreads Description: This book is a poetic anthology composed by noted Caribbean Author; Dennis E. Adonis.

It contains twelve beautiful poems ranging from dramatic, to emotional, to confrontational, and which is certain to capture your interest.

Unlike other poetry books, the Author went at length to pen an explanation for each piece of poem thus aiding readers in their interpretation and analysis of what is presented before them.

We Say: Nothing says “you’re too stupid to understand my far superior intellect” like including interpretations and analysis of your poems that you yourself sat down and wrote.  Oh poets, we love it when you talk down to us.


Have you come across any other “great” looking Goodreads giveaways? Clue us in!

About Aaron Westerman

Aaron Westerman is the Manager of Web Architecture for a national human services organization. When he's not busy tearing sites apart and rebuilding them, he spends his ever shrinking free time trying to keep up with his twins, reading works of translated literature, and watching far too many Oscar nominated movies.